


On the side of the road

by Morethancupcake



Series: Home is wherever I'm with you [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Chef Dean Winchester, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Christmas, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Guilt, Homeless Castiel, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oblivious, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 17:21:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10470180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: Dean is his own boss, and he can't say he's unhappy with the life he managed to build for himself. He wishes things would be differents, especially with Sam, but he can't complain. One day a stranger looking for a job knocks at the restaurant's door, and his childhood comes rushing back.





	

**Author's Note:**

> (this summary was worthy f a Harlequin or what ? Sorry I'm pretty impressed with myself hehe)
> 
> Remember when I said I had a few Christmas stories I couldn't post at the time, and were sleeping on my laptop ? Well there it is. It's the last one (I think ?) and was supposed to be submitted to the advent calendar, but I somehow managed to send it to the wrong person ? Long story short, it's here now in all its glory (no but really it's bad, like really).
> 
> No beta because sadly I can't seem to be able to contact her anymore. It's full of typos, but I've been second guessing posting it since December, so there you go. I'm sorry. English isn't my first language, guys.

A month before Christmas, and for the first time since the opening, Dean closes the restaurant, and drives away.

The few people courageous enough to face the wind and that awful snow are welcomed by a small note stuck on the door, apologizing for the short notice.

Dean doesn't remember his last day off. 

The restaurant is closed on Tuesdays, but it's not like he's usually resting. There's laundry, and cleaning. Groceries and deliveries. Few errands, always something to take care of.

Dean doesn't remember the last time he just stopped for a minute.

 

Sam has sounded... happy. 

Dean isn't sure of the last time "happy" had been a choice.

Tired, yes. Exhausted. Done.

No, Dean Winchester didn't do happy.

 

"I need you to love me, Dean."

That had hurt. So bad. No matter the distance, no matter the long silences or the fight, Dean had put this fear in his little brother. 

Sam had called, scared, so sure Dean was going to write him off his life, and he couldn't, for the life of him, remember just when he had stopped being Sammy's brother and become their dad instead.

 

The road is difficult, the slush making it even a little dangerous. 

He comes back to the restaurant because it's his anchor, it's what he always does, since the day Benny took him in, cold and wet and angry at the universe.

 

People wave a little and look worried when they see him pass. Ash tries to talk to him, but Dean just smiles and takes his coffee and burger to go, too tired to cook something for himself, too tired to just pretend that he is okay.

 

So Sam is bi. Bisexual. Sometimes does dudes. 

He groans because this isn't fair, this is Sam. Sammy.

Sammy is in love with a man, the way he had been in love with Jess, with Amelia.

 

The way Dean probably had been in love with boys, before, but too much of a coward to ever say anything.

"Hey, Winchester." Charlie doesn't even pretend to knock, she just comes and hugs him, and sits next to him at the bar. The restaurant is still in the dark, Dean didn't bother with light and heating. He just feels ... He isn't sure how he feels.

"M'afraid I'm not exactly fun to be around tonight, Red."

"Yeah, about that." She steals half of his fries. "What happened ?"

Dean considers lying. He considers telling her to back off, knowing she would. Their friendship is based on their mutual love for food, bad movies, and their total respect of each other's boundaries. Dean knows not to ask about Charlie's life, and she knows not to ask about anything, really.

"My brother called. Wanted to talk to me."

"Is he alright ?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Getting married."

"That's... cool ?" Dean can't help but smile at that. 

"Not that I'm invited or anything, but yeah. It's awesome, I'm happy for him. You want some ice cream to go with your fries ?" Charlie nods her mouth half full, and tries to swallow too fast, chocking on the process.

"What the fuck do you mean, you're not invited ? That's the opposite of cool ! Why ?"

"Hmm." He grabs a tub of his own pecan ice cream, almost empty already. "Lots of reasons. Him remembering me as a giant homophobic douche, for starter." He comes back and offers her the tub and a spoon. "And his fiancé Gabriel not being too excited to see me because of that."

"Dean..." 

"Yeah."

They eat in silence after that. Charlie knows enough. Dean had tries to explain, how different things had been, at home. How it had been easier to just blend in, to just... let himself roll and not think.

She knows Dean doesn't come from money, far from it. She knows the little money he had came from the bounty hunting and a few poker tries. She knows Dean is a different man, now.

 

"Gabriel... he used to know me. I mean, I made his life pretty miserable when we were in high school. Not that he didn't made mine a living Hell too. But... I guess I never apologized for some stupid things I said, and they stayed with them back home."

"You could apologize...?"

"I did. I did apologize, I told Sammy I was happy for him, and how stupid I had been. But well..."

"I'm sorry, Dean. That suck."

"Yeah."

 

She's almost at the door when he says. 

"It's not like he knows better. For him I'm just the same trash I used to be, half capable of writing without embarassing myself. He's better off without me."

"That's shitty Winchester." Charlie doesn't come back, she doesn't hug him, she knows better. "Are you going to open tomorrow ?"

"Probably not." He shrugs and puts the sponge away. "I'm going to sleep and take a few days, can't afford to close for the Holidays."

"Okay. I'll see you around."

 

The appartment is right upstairs. It's home. It's not much, it had been Benny's first, but Dean remembers. He remembers being allowed to crash on the couch, tired, and sick, and fucking done with everything.

He misses Benny.

It had been weird at first. Benny had grumbled a little, ignored him, and then offered him a place to stay and a job. Dean still smiles when thinking about it. Big guy with a big heart.

Benny had been an amazing friend, maybe is best friend. 

It's weird now, to think about this place as his. He bought it, fair and square. And he knows Benny is happier now, back in the force, taking care of people. He was never meant to this quiet life, but oh does Dean miss him. His other brother, he would joke. 

 

The place is good, but it's lonely. 

 

He spends the next two days moping around, cleaning his appartment and getting rid of a few things. He puts down two boxes in the garage, next to the other two meant to go to charity, and he sighs thinking about all he should be doing, instead.

But it's raining, and cold. There was a time when charity shops were the only way for him and Sammy to get proper winter clothes, and he can't imagine how cold it must be outside, without the right equipment. 

He thinks about the two pairs of lined pants inside those boxes, now too small for him after months of good food and not enough work out.

He puts the boxes on the back on Baby and drives away.

 

Pam greets him with a wink, and she sends Kevin to help with everything. They chat for a little while, Dean even accepts the sugary water she offers as coffee, and she shows him the new addition to the shop, a restroom for people on the go. A few heaters and a place to rest and have some instant soup and tea.

"I know it's shit, Winchester, but it's winter, come on."

"It's great, Pam. It's fucking great." She smiles, pretty proud of herself and tries to push him into shopping a little. Dean pretends not to have time, or the money, then goes to the table where a few comics and some old vinyls have been stacked. It's pretty shitty, but Dean knows he'll just walk away with something, and he'll put at least a twenty in the donation box on the counter.

Places like that didn't exist, when he was a kid, and he has a vivid memory of him drinking hot water from dirty bathroom's sinks on the road, just to stay warm until his dad would come back.

There's only two people in the little waiting area, and Dean tries with all his being not to stare, but it just breaks his heart.

The first guy is obviously just passing. If he had to guess, Dean would say it was just a stop, to grab the coat now on him and a warm cup, and he'll probably be back in the old Pontiac and out of here soon.

The other... the other is different. Dean can't actually see his face. The man his bent in half, head in his hands. From where he is, Dean can only catch a old battered trench coat, and an ugly wool sweater. The guys looks exhausted, and Dean feels for him for a minute. He has one of these army bags next to him, and Dean can see he's just not prepared from the winter here, from his fancy shoes to his slim coat.

"See something you like ?" Pam is smirking at him. "Please don't let me interrupt."

"That guy isn't going to make it tonight, with these clothes."

"Probably not, no." She shakes his head. "We have too many people in the shelter already, I'm not sure what we'll do if it goes like this."

Dean doesn't think. That's basically how he made most of his decisions in life. He fishes a couple of bills from his pocket.

"Tell him someone took care of it, and tell him to pick some clothes. A coat, gloves, hat. Good stuff. If it's more call me, I'll pay you back, okay ?"

"Okay." She knows not to mock him now. Dean grabs a few tapes, a kid book he'll put in the restaurant for the families waiting, and goes to the cashier.

 

"Still not wanting any help at the shop ?" Kevin is bringing him back the coardboard boxes, now emply and flat. "My brother is coming back in February, and he's going to need a place to work for a bit. My mom told me to ask you."

"Why not ?" Dean never thought about it, but he could probably take someone in. "Let me think about it okay ? I'll get back to you."

"Sure, Dean. Thanks."

 

Dean leaves with his purchases, trying to spy at Pam, talking to the man.

There's something tugging at the back of Dean's mind, something wrong about all of this.

He shakes his head and runs to his car.

 

That night, he dreams of home.

Not the house, no. Not the few places they used to stay at for a while. No, he dreams of their awful house, not even a house, really, it's was just complete garbage. His mind pictures it all, the dirty walls and the floor, the smell of rotting wood, and the cold. He sees the little dirt path, and the way people would sneer at them. 

He dreams of John, and his brilliant idea to just leave them there and run. He dreams of school, and the fights. The girls.

He dreams of Sammy, and the few goods moments.

Then he dreams of Gabriel. And Cas.

When he wakes up, he's drenched in sweat, and he wants to throw up.

 

He doesn't remember the last time he let himself think about Castiel Novak. Cas.

It should be a faded memory, he can't remember most of the girls he went with, he doesn't remember what dad used to look like.

He remembers Castiel Novak. He remembers the thirteen years old, Gabriel's baby brother. So nice, so sweet, so innocent.

He had never meants to mess with Castiel. Cas. He had been a year younger than Sammy, so fucking young.

From all the stupid things Dean had done, pretending to be Castiel's friend just to laugh after with his so-called friends had been so fucking cruel and stupid. He had deserved the beating from Luke Novak he got for that.

He never got to apologize to Cas. 

He finishes his coffee and glances at the bog clock on the wall. Not even 6AM. Time to get some work done.

 

Dean doesn't mind the weird hours. The restaurant is his home, his. He doesn't mind waking up to do what he does best. Cooking. Smiling. Making people feel good for a minute of two. It's something he's good at.

It's starting to annoy him, the silence, the loneliness. He's halfway through a little inventory when someone knowks on the door. 

 

"Coming !" He opens to the tall silhouette, not sure what is waiting for him. It's no one he knows that for sure. The stranger's face is lost behind a huge scarf and a black beanie, and he's busy brushing snow out of his clothes when Dean opens the door.

"Kevin said you could have a job for me ?" The stranger's voice is deep, almost too deep for someone so thin. Dean frowns and take a second to think about it when the first flash hits him. The man at the shop. Then the stranger takes off his monstruous scarf and looks at him. "My name is Cas. And I really need this job, sir."

The second flash hits him hard. There's no way this could be Castiel Novak, they are too far away from home, it would be too stupid, too fucking scary to just think....

"Oh." Castiel is staring at him, and he looks like he got stuck with a big dose of reality, too. "Dean. Winchester."

"Cas." They stay silent, studying each other. Dean drinks it all. The beard, and the clothes, not exactly right, but heavy and comfortable. It makes sense, the nagging feeling, this is it. 

"I guess this answers my question about a job, then." Castiel puts his hat back on. "I'm sorry for disturbing you."

"Wait !" Dean bolts and almost grabs him, before stopping himself. Cas' eyes, still so blue, shoot to his hand, but he doesn't move or looks too scared of him. "Wait, I... I might have. A job. For you." He sighs and brushes his hand in his hair.

Castiel looks exhausted, and Dean can see him tremble a little. 

"Where is your bag, man ?" 

 

Castiel grabs his bag from where he left it under the porch. His hands, when he takes off his gloves are red and hurt. He smells like cheap soap and sleep, and Dean guesses either the shelter or a very cheap motel.

He goes to the kitchen and, after a second, grabs enough for two sandwiches. When he comes back, Castiel is studying the cuts on his fingers, looking ready to pass out.

"You can take off your coat, dude." He puts the food in front of them, and two mugs of tea. "There's milk if you want more, and the sugar is right here." He nods to the little pot on the counter. 

"Thank you Dean. I appreciate it." Dean watches him eat, slowly, careful not to make a mess, not to waste his food.

"Are you..." He stops himself, because he isn't sure what he could ask. Castiel is obviously not okay, far from it. "I mean. What happened to you ?" The other fixes his plate and keeps chewing in silence. 

In a way, it reminds him of the first days, with Benny. The way he would try to pick and prod and the way Dean would stay silent and angry, accepting the food and shelter, but not ready to talk.

"I've been here for a few years, you know ?" Cas frowns a little at the change of topic, but doesn't move or participate. "I came here just like you did. A little late in the year, the snow was even worse, it was so fucking cold. Too cold to sleep in my car anymore." 

Cas' eyes seem to light up a little at that. His gaze turns speculative, almost... warm. 

"There was a sign at the door, saying they needed help. The boss, Benny, he became my friend after that. Still is, even if now this is my restaurant. He's like my brother."

Castiel finishes his sandwiches, and goes to his tea. He wraps his fingers around his mug, and Dean winces at the cuts and the dried blood on his knuckles. He makes not to find some cream in his bathroom.

"So you see, Cas, I'll tell you exactly what he told me. I'd rather pay you fair and square, so I would need your informations and social security number. However, if it's a problem, we'll figure it out. In the meantime, you can stay here for as long as you want. I need you for the service and help around the kitchen."

It takes him a minute to realize Castiel is actually crying.

 

He goes to the bathroom to get the cream. When he comes back, Castiel is not crying anymore, but he looks so lost, so sad, Dean isn't sure what to do to make it better.

He offers to drive him to take care of his stuff, and Cas actually gesture to the army bag he put at the door.

"Where did you sleep last night ?" he asks, because he can't help himself. Because he slept with flannel pants and a warm bottle on his feet, and because the idea of Cas outside just breaks his heart.

"I didn't... I mean." He shakes his head, and Dean understands suddenly that Cas isn't just tired. He's ashamed. 

"The shelter was full, uh ?"

There's a few questions on Dean's tongue, but he goes with the easy one.

"You want to take a shower ?"

 

Castiel crashes on the couch after his shower. Dean goes to his closet and brings the fluffy comforter with him, with another pillow and a fleece blanket just in case.

He knows he won't put Castiel alone in the office downstairs. 

They know each other. Dean knows no matter what happened to put Castiel on the run, he's not dangerous.

Castiel burrows in the comforter and makes a smal sound, like a kitten, and Dean can't help but brush his fingers through his hair.

 

It's weird, until it isn't. 

Dean shows him how to use the washing machine, and the dryer, and leaves him another set of sweatpants and socks. He teaches him a little about what to expect, and what is expected of him, and then moves on to the kitchen.

It's weirdy familiar, in a way.

It reminds him of this summer, and Cas following him around in the tall grass around their house. Castiel was a little shy, not used to the attention, and Dean had quickly loved having the boy around. Where Sammy was all rolling eyes and attitude at fourteen, Cas was sweet. Cas would listen to him chatter about dumb shit, and never judge him.

Dean had told him a lot of stupid stuff, over the weeks, and Cas had looked just happy to be there. Content.

Dean whips them a quick dinner, big omelettes with veggies and cheese, and he sees the way Castiel looks at him, eating with gusto.

"Not so bad uh ?"

"It's very good."

"Yeah." Dean smiles and puts his feet on the coffee table. He's not sitting on the couch, since it's now Cas' sleeping quarter. They're watching the news, something he doesn't do usually, but feels like Cas used to. "I love to cook. As you can see." he says mocking his waistline. "But you'll see, people like the food, too. It's good for business."

"Thank you, Dean." Castiel puts his clean plate on the coffee table, and sits with his arms around his knees. He looks younger, now, with a full stomach and a nap. "I really mean it."

"Don't say that, man. You would've done the same for me."

And Dean feels guilty for that. For the way he used to laugh with Gordon when he would make fun of Castiel. When he would pretend when he had just been ... happy ?

"I'll be out of here as soon as I can afford a place somewhere."

"Where ?" Dean smiles, try to convey how non judging he feels at the moment. "It's fine, Cas. You can stay as long as you need to. We'll figure it out."

"I just... I guess I just..."

"Cas ? Just go to sleep, okay ?"

"Okay."

 

Charlie loves Cas.

The whole town loves Cas.

He's handsome, and it helps, but not only. He's quirky, and funny, and his smile is so sweet people just care for him.

Castiel messes up their orders and they tip him. He's a little slow and they hug him, telling him he did a great job.

Dean can't help but smile at his bewildered expression when he finally sits for his own lunch.

"First time working tables ?" Dean puts a chicken sandwich in front of him, with a small bowl of soup. 

"Yes. I used to..." There's a small hesitation here. "I was working in a library, and then a bookshop. Retail. These kind of things."

"Retail ?" Dean grimaces. "Not something I can see you do."

"It was work." The sandwich is almost gone. "But this is different. No time to think. It's nice."

"Yeah ?" Dean laughs and goes to his own lunch. "Wait until Saturday night."

 

It's weirdly domestic. Dean never mentions the office couch, and Castiel follows his lead. They work well together, and if people notice how friendly they are, they don't mention it.

Cas keeps to himself, and very often just naps or read in silence when he's not working. He offers to pay for rent, and Dean pretends not to hear.

It's weird, but nice.

 

"He's good for you." Charlie smiles when they sit at their usual table. The bar is still pretty empty, and Dean wonders if he's too old now. 

Cas is home, probably reading with a pot of tea, and damn if it doesn't sound like a great night right now.

"Yeah, he's nice. It's good help."

"Not only. You look happy. Like... calm-happy ?"

"Calm-happy ?" He laughs and drinks to give himself something to do. But he is. He knows he is.

 

Castiel doesn't have a phone. After his first paycheck, Dean offers to drive him to town to do a bit of shopping, and he gladly accepts.

He's quick and efficient, and Dean sees a lot of himself in the way he goes for the cheaper options, the special offers. He goes for underwears and socks, a few basics and a new pair of shoes.

But no phone.

They're walking to the car when he asks.

"I don't have people to call." Castiel doesn't really talk to him. Dean isn't sure if this is usual behaviour, or if this is just because it's Dean, but Castiel is short. Polite, nice, but short.

"What about your brothers ?" Castiel plays with the bag in his hand. He looks so unhappy Dean goes in another direction. "Do you know Gabriel and Sammy are getting married ?" Castiel's head turns so quickly Dean jump a little. "Yeah, Sammy called me a few days before you got here. Crazy, uh ?"

"I thought you didn't have contact with Sam." 

"I don't." 

Dean doesn't find it funny anymore. The whole day, the shopping, Castiel's way of reading all the compositions before making his choice.

 

Castiel avoids him for the rest of the day. Dean doesn't mind. Much.

They both go back home, and while Cas disappears somewhere, Dean decides to try for new recipes for Christmas.

It feels festive, the smell of apple and cinnamon, the vanilla in the air. It's everything Christmas at the Winchester's wasn't after Mary's death.

It's been a while since Dean allowed himself to think about his mom. He doesn't remember much, he was pretty small. He thinks he remembers her laugh, but maybe not.

She would have loved Cas.

 

"I'm sorry, Dean." 

Dean doesn't jump, because he's used to Castiel in his space. He drinks a little more of his warm apple juice and turns to see him, still in his winter coat, a small box in his hand.

"You don't have to say sorry. You want a muffin ?"

"I am. Sorry." Dean watches him at the door, and everything just comes back to his mind. Ugly, saddening. The words Gordon and Meg used to talk about Cas. Special needs, Meg used to say giggling. Retard. 

"Okay, I'm sorry too for asking." He eyes the box. "Is this for me ?"

"Yes." 

 

Dean is turning out the lights when he says.

"I never apologized. For when you were a kid." Castiel is under the comforter, his head just out, making him look like a disgruntled bird. 

"You don't have to..."

"I really loved you, you know ?" He double checks the door, then the windows, again, and again. Just to give himself something to do. "I loved spending my time with you, and I'm sorry I let them say those things about you."

"It's fine, Dean."

"No it's not !" and then he repeats, softly. "It's not. They said horrible things to you, and your brother, and I was so afraid I let them, and I should've just stopped being a ..."

"Dean." Castiel moves slowly, carefully, and hugs him. "You were a kid too. We all were."

"But I hurt you."

"You did." Castiel's lips are soft and dry on his temple, and he makes a quick note to find him lipbalm. "But then your father was gone, and you had to raise your little brother. We all make mistakes."

"I'm so sorry, Cas."

"I know."

 

He feels like an idiot in the morning.

Not for apologizing, no. But for the weeping. The hug. The feelings.

 

Cas lets him hide in the kitchen, and Dean makes them burger for lunch.

 

Cas brings a tree first. It's small, and sad, and it takes a little digging to know Ash actually gave it away because it was so pathetic. But Cas looks so happy Dean refrains from any teasing, and fishes out the box of decorations he usually uses on the restaurant, telling him to go wild.

It's fun, suddenly, to prepare for Christmas. After a few shy questions, Dean starts to plan an actual Christmas dinner, and Cas hides stuff into his drawers.

Christmas is happening, this year, and for once Dean is happy. He really is.

 

Benny calls, two weeks before Christmas. Dean is half awake, and they talk for almost an hour, just like they used to.

They talk about meeting somewhere, about Dean coming to visit, or Benny coming back for a few days.

Dean tells him about Cas, enough for him to understand, without giving too much away. Benny knows him well, too well, he doesn't need to say much.

 

Castiel vanishes, and arrives just in time for the first service. His eyes are a little red, and he messes up two orders, making everyone a little worried. He burns himself on the coffee machine, and Dean sends him to the appartment, while he finishes with the few clients left.

 

"You want to tell me what's wrong ?" Castiel's fingers are tapped into gauze, and he looks miserable. He shakes his head violently, and Dean has to chuckle, because he's so damn adorable.

"Okay, do you think you can keep working, or do you need a day off ?" 

"I can work."

 

It takes a while for Castiel to believe he is welcome.

Not just a guest, but here. Home.

And Dean gets it, the situation is almost... surreal, but Castiel is... He is. Dean feels better just having him here. Thinking about Castiel out there, it makes him almost wants to cry, because he can't believe how unsafe he was.

From the few little information he managed to pry out of the other man, Castiel had traveled by bus first, then hitch-hiked his way to their little town.

It makes Dean sick to his stomach just to think about it.

 

It takes weeks for Castiel to unpack. Weeks for him to leave his toothbrush and soap in the bathroom.

It takes a month for him to refer to the appartment using the world "home".

 

The first time they fight, it's over something so stupid it's ridiculous. Dean does't even remember why they are yelling at each other, slamming doors and angrily scrubbing floors and tables.

All he can think about, really, is the way Hannah left her phone number on a napkin, telling Cas to call her.

He feels so betrayed by the way Cas had folded the napkin away. At the way he had looked, almost happy.

 

He wants to ask, what they are. He wants to know, if Cas feels the same way, if he, too, can picture the rest of this life like this, away from the world.

 

They're still not talking to each other when the power stops, and the generator kicks in to keep the fridges alive. It's cold, already, and Dean thinks about his options when Cas speaks.

"Dean..." He sounds like a kid, like he's sad, and hurt, and Dean can't stay mad at him.

"Get over here, Cas."

 

It should be a big thing, it should. Cas' feet are cold, but he smells soft and nice, and after a while he seems to forget to be shy and they lay together in the pocket of warmth.

 

"Do you think about it, sometimes ?" They turn to each other, and Dean can almost feel Cas' warm skin close to his. "Isn't it magical, how we managed to find each other again ?"

"Yeah." He closes his eyes and sees it all. Cas' laugh, his long arms and legs, his hair always a mess. "I'm so glad you found me."

"I didn't know what I was looking for. People always asked why I couldn't stay in one place. Why I couldn't just follow my brother's steps."

Dean isn't sure what to answer. He still doesn't know what happened really, to leave Cas alone on the road.

"But you're here now." Dean says. His fingers find a shoulder, run to the dip of his waist. "You're here with me."

"I am." Cas scoots close. Closer. "Are you in love with Benny ?" Dean almost jumps at the question. "I heard you talk, and I don't understand..."

"He's my brother." Dean realizes suddenly they're whispering, intimate and soft, just like they used to do years ago, in the tall grass. "Benny's my brother, nothing more." He sighs. "Are you going to call Hannah ?"

"No." Cas shakes his head, and Dean swears he sees tears in the dark. "No, I don't believe I will."

 

Their first kiss taste like toothpaste. Cas' nose is still a little cold, but he drags Dean on top of him, and everything turns hot, burning. Safe.

 

They open one last time, on the twenty third. It's not a big day, people are just passing by, to their families, or on their way to pick things for the big night. 

Dean doesn't mind. He draws a few ideas he has for the perfect Christmas cake, and he watches Cas reading at the counter.

"Are you happy ?" 

No more dark circles, Cas looks a little heavier, mostly muscles, but his cheeks are rounder, he looks... 

"Very happy." 

 

Cas sleeps in his bed now. Dean likes to think of it as their bed. They touch in the dark, not always sexual, it's not always the want and need, no. It's intimate, hands touching soft places, Cas kissing his dick, the fine skin inside his tighs, his belly he hates with passion. 

Dean knows this is love. It's in the way they look at each other, the way the can just be, together. 

The way Cas holds him like he's precious.

 

"I left college the first year." They're drinking coffee on the couch, sleepily listening to Christmas music, when Cas says. "I had a boyfriend, and a nice appartment, and I hated every minute of it. I wanted to do something, anything, and I felt so ... so lost."

"Not everyone is made for college."

"Exactly. I wasn't. Gabe got really mad at me. Luke too. We were fighting, all the time. So one day, I stopped calling. I just... I needed to cool down. To think." Dean runs his fingers through the dark hair, waiting. "It took me weeks to realize they weren't going to call me back."

"You don't miss them ?"

Dean feels the tears on his skin and puts his cup away. Cas melts into his arms.

 

Cas helps him in the kitchen. They use the small one from the appartment. It's cramped, not practical, and Dean hates the oven there with a burning passion, but they both laugh, and talk. And kiss.

They have a light lunch of leftovers, sitting on the floor still half naked when Dean asks :

"I want to tell Sammy. About you and me." He shivers a little, because he's not sure. Maybe Cas is ashamed of him. Maybe he doesn't want to tell his brother back home he's dating Dean Winchester.

"We should call them." Cold fingers caress his cheek. "Tomorrow, we'll call them."

 

Dean believes it's the best Christmas ever. The chicken is a little too dry, and he isn't happy with the way the cake turned out.

Cas frowns because the sweater he bought isn't the right size, and he forgets about his cookies, almost burning them.

They kiss, too happy to care.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading !! I really hope you enjoyed it :) If so, please leave me a kudo and even a comment ? It honestly makes me day :)
> 
> You can find this story (and me of course) on tumblr.
> 
> http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/post/158896269694/on-the-side-of-the-road
> 
> Please remember to drink some water and eat regularly ! Stretch a little a breathe :) Have a wonderful day/evening.


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